How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
