He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
