he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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