we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
