It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
