You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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