i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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