Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
