When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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