Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
