Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
