No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
