Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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