you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
