Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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