two words...techno handjob
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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