Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
