I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
