So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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