His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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