I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
