Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
