I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
