tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
