Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
