I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just want nice things and good sex
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
