I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
