I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
