Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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