I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
