i was born a porn star she said
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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