Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
