she looked like the bat from fern gully.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
