My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
