That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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