its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
