Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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