I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
