I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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