Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
