it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
