I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
