CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
