i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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