Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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