I wish my penis had an off switch
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
