I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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