next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
