Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
