as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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