what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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